Planned Parenthood announced today that, because it receives hundreds of millions of dollars in federal funds, it is no longer going to discriminate on the basis of religious belief. It will, accordingly, be hiring as many traditional Roman Catholics as possible, so as to achieve balance between adherents of the pro-abortion and pro-life positions.

Noting that Americans United for Separation of Church and State has called upon organizations that receive federal funding to cease engaging in discrimination, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards said it was only fair.

“Look, for a long time we’ve discriminated on the basis of religion around here. I don’t know that we’ve ever had any pro-life Christians of any denomination on our national staff, or in any of our offices around the country for that matter. I think it’s time we got with the program and gave pro-life Christians, and Catholics particularly, the fair shake they deserve.”

Ms. Richards continued, “We’re also thinking about asking Archbishop Charles Chaput of Denver to join our Board of Directors. He’s just the kind of man we need in leadership if we’re going to be able to be the model of diversity for all federally-funded institutions that I believe we’re called to be.”