It turns out that Harold Camping was wrong. The Second Coming/Rapture isn’t taking place on Saturday. Why? Because “Jesus” has already come back, and he brought “Mary Magdalene” with him. They’re livin’ the high life Down Under, puttin’ shrimp on the barbie and buyin’ up real estate. According to the Courier-Mail of Brisbane, Australia:

A COUPLE who claim they are Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene have set up base in Queensland’s Bible Belt and are drawing in disciples from across the country.

The pair, real names Alan John Miller and Mary Suzanne Luck, operate from rural Wilkesdale, near Kingaroy, where they claim to have been joined by 30-40 followers.

“My name is Jesus and I’m serious,” Mr Miller says in a video recording from a workshop. Cult watchers and the Anglican and Catholic churches are concerned the pair, who ask followers to donate to sustain them, could draw in the vulnerable.

Locals and real estate agents confirmed the group had sparked an unlikely property boom, with estimates they have bought up to 30 blocks and with new properties in high demand.

Followers joined forces in 2009 to buy a $400,000, 240ha property where they hold weekly meetings and plan to build a centre for international visitors.

Buying up property, followers footing the bill–what a surprise. Turns out that “Jesus” has a past, and a unique way of explaining his presence:

Mr Miller was born in Loxton, South Australia, and has two children from a previous marriage, which he says ended after he “began to remember details” of his past life.

Tailoring his appearance to look like Jesus [if Jesus was a dork–check out the photo], he yesterday held a workshop in Albury, NSW, where he stood by his claims.

In one recording he says: “There’s probably a million people who say they’re Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be.

Now that’s indisputable logic–if you didn’t get past the fourth grade.

“How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life.”

Oh, well, that settles it then. Maybe he’s the one these guys were singing about:

(Via Religion News Service.)