So why has Vladimir Putin undertaken perhaps the most dangerous military move since the end of the Cold War? Is it because he is pursuing a policy of traditional Russian imperialism, trying to forestall greater Western influence in Ukraine, seeking to exploit Russian nationalism in his neighbor for strategic advantage? No, according to world-renowned geo-political strategist Susan Brooks Thistlethwaite, it’s all because of Teh Gay or something:

What do you get when you combine ultra-nationalist religious and political conservatism along with homophobia and sexism? Some might say you get the Tea Party in the United States, but today that is the toxic mix that is fueling Vladimir Putin’s militaristic moves against the people of Ukraine.

In other words, Pussy Riot is right. The lyrics of this Russian feminist, punk rock protest group, based in Moscow, are exactly on target. The themes of their protest music, as can be seen in Pussy Riot! A Punk Prayer for Freedom connect feminism, lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender rights, opposition to the dictatorial tendencies of Putin, and the links between Putin and the leadership of the Orthodox Church.

Putin’s unholy stew of nationalistic religion, homophobia and sexism needs to be part of informing the diplomatic response to Russia’s aggressively moving troops into the Crimea. This action has drawn condemnation from the new Ukrainian prime minister, who said it amounted to a “declaration of war to my country,” and from Secretary of State John Kerry who has called this “an incredible act of aggression.”

Yes, you read that right. Putin and his allies in the Russian Orthodox Church–the Slavic equivalent of the Tea Party!–have invaded their sovereign neighbor because of religion (most Ukrainians are Orthodox as well, but whatever), homophobia and sexism. Thistlethwaite does not really explain what connection these sins have to do with the invasion of Crimea, but I’m sure that somewhere in the dark recesses of her sexuality-obsessed mind there is an explanation that would at least make sense to a weasel on crack, if not to people.