student group at Stanford University asked for funds from the student government to put on an event subversive of community standards, guaranteed to provoke outrage among the establishment, and challenging of accepted mores. Was it a production of the Vagina Monologues? An evening with performance artist Karen Finley? A public hanging in effigy of the Koch Brothers? No, something far, far more disturbing:

The student government at Stanford University voted to rescind funding to a conservative student organization that was attempting to host an event in support of traditional marriage.

The event was deemed hateful by the Stanford Graduate Student Council.

The Stanford Anscombe Society had requested funding in order to host a conference geared toward the promotion of secular arguments in favor of traditional marriage. Anscombe asked for $600, according to The College Fix.

During the meeting, at which Anscombe’s request was discussed, several students insisted that merely funding the event would increase the rate of suicide among LGBT students on campus. Others claimed that gay people would no longer feel welcome at Stanford if the event proceeded.

Brianne Huntsman, a student and employee of the LGBT center on campus, told Campus Reform that she did not object to the event taking place, but rather to the idea that the student government should fund it.

“I’m so glad that GSC chose not to fund this event-because it shows the grad community (and the larger Stanford community) that Stanford is a safe space filled with people who work hard to make sure it stays that way,” she said in a statement.

Now, I know it’s incredible to think that anyone at an institution as august as Stanford would even dream of doing such a thing. As all right (or left) thinking people know, discussion of the subject of traditional marriage on the property of any elite college has been shown by the Centers for Disease Control to cause LGBTQQIIXYZ people to come down with hives, shakes, the screaming meemies, elephantiasis, schistosomiasis, cancer of the Achilles tendon, the heartbreak of psoriasis, night sweats, and an irrational obsession with bridezillas. It has therefore been prohibited in the interest of public health and accommodating the wussiest members of the QBITGIZYLXQ community.

Personally, I can’t believe that the members of the Anscombe Society could possibly be so insensitive, so gauche, so threatening toward those who are so powerless and despised. They need to be locked in a pink room and forced to undergo extensive re-education at the hands of Rosie O’Donnell, Dan Savage, and Bishop Gene Robinson. That’ll learn ‘em.