All right, I have to admit that I have a strange sense of humor (I love puns, for instance), but I think this is the sort of thing that anyone who has observed the slow disintegration of higher education in America over the last forty years will find hilarious. From the Wall Street Journal:
On Tuesday Dartmouth’s finest seized the main administration building and disrupted college business. The squatters were allowed to remain until Thursday night, when the dean of the college negotiated and signed an exit settlement assuring them the non-dialogue would continue.
Well, nothing new there–college administrators have been reacting to hooliganism like frightened children for decades now. I believe there is a clause in the contract of every college president requiring them to have their backbone removed upon taking office.
The demonstrators had a 72-point manifesto instructing the college to establish pre-set racial admission quotas and a mandatory ethnic studies curriculum for all students. Their other inspirations are for more “womyn or people of color” faculty; covering sex change operations on the college health plan (“we demand body and gender self-determination”); censoring the library catalog for offensive terms; and installing “gender-neutral bathrooms” in every campus facility, specifically including sports locker rooms.
Wait, wait…they demand “body and gender self-determination”? But if it’s self-determined, why would they demand anyone pay for it? Doesn’t that put them at the mercy of the paymasters? As for censoring the library catalog, it sounds like the school is being threatened by the Spanish Inquisition (which no one expected, of course): “Everything that runs counter to orthodoxy must be put on the Index, or given over to the flames!” Racial admission quotas are illegal, but I’m sure no one among the occupiers cares about that. And the demand for “mandatory ethnic studies” (I’m sure every occupier considers himself/herself/itself/theirself “pro-choice”) means they want their college education to be no more difficult than learning the multiplication tables, since that’s the level at which most such courses are taught.
We rarely sympathize with college administrators but we’ll make an exception for Dartmouth President Phil Hanlon, an accomplished mathematician who for some reason took the job last year. The occupiers filmed their confrontation and uploaded the hostage video to the Web, where Mr. Hanlon can be seen agog as his charges berate him for his “micro-aggressions.” Those are bias infractions that can’t be identified without the right political training.
Their impulse to film said confrontation was a combination of exhibitionism and a desire to publicly humiliate themselves and their parents, who will now be forced to go about with paper bags on their heads inscribed with the words, “Pay no attention to that YouTube video, I’m actually childless.”
OK, now here’s the best part. Swallow any liquids you may be imbibing before proceeding:
Mr. Hanlon left after an hour and told the little tyrants that he welcomed a “conversation” about their ultimatums. They responded in a statement that conversations—to be clear, talking—will lead to “further physical and emotional violence enacted against us by the racist, classist, sexist, heterosexist, transphobic, xenophobic, and ableist structures at Dartmouth.” They added: “Our bodies are already on the line, in danger, and under attack.”
Stop, oh please, stop, STOP, STOP, YOU’RE KILLING ME!
Clearly, these people are all angling for parts in the remake of this:
If you really want to subject yourself to the nonsensical rantings of these spoiled children, you can go to YouTube and search for “Students Occupy Parkhurst” (there are five parts). There you will find out what the future occupants of government offices in the second Hillary Clinton administration were doing back in their college days. Personally, I’m going to work on securing retirement property in Australia.